belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's just like the Real World with babies
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
