I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
