Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
