WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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