I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
