The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
