If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i will never coherently bang her
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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