he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
