Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize