yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize