We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
