There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
