Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
