How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize