I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
