we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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