i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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