How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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