just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
