I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
