I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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