This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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