I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
