For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
