If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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