I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
