You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
