There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
