I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
