dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
