Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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