Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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