She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
