your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
