She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
PANTIES FOUND
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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