and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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