so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
