So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
