We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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