Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
