rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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