We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize