he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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