Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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