i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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