Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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