well you can't waste a boner
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
