All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
