I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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