she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
