Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Hippo gnu deer
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
