Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
