Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
