Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
