oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just high enough for therapy.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
