Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
do herpes really smell.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
