I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
