I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
