Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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