You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Success! We fucked roommates!
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