just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
