I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Hippo gnu deer
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
