My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
