Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize