I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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