I'm really into asian looking animals
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
