Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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