This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
