We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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