I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
