I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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