Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
