I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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