At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
