I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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